“Don’t get so upset!” Help your children manage their feelings by understanding your own – Tamar Jacobson

– The brain is very sensitive to early experiences: In fact, 90% of the brain is developed at age 4. Experiences in the environment impact the way the brain wires itself.

– We can make emotional memory better than any other animal.

-My personal background and experiences influence the way I see and listen to people.

– What we do today echoes to the generations ahead. Ideologies and practices such as racism and discrimination against women have been taught to children and they repeat those tendencies as they grow:



Discipline➡ to teach (guidance, compassion, learn from example)

(Disciple: Discípulo)

Discipline is the process of teaching which types of behavior and attitudes are acceptable and which don’t.


Effective discipline uses different approaches like positive reinforcement, modeling, counselling, and a loving and supportive family/school environment. In the other hand, punishments based on violence (emotional and/or physical abuse) may seem as an effective and quick tool to some extent, but it doesn’t mean that they are effective.


– DISCIPLINE is helping a child solve a problem.

PUNISHMENT is making a child suffer for having a problem. In this case, we filter our discipline strategies through emotional memories of punishment.

– It is important to make connections about how I feel and what I do:

  • “It’s never okay to hit a child”
  • “You don’t have to hurt me to teach me”

– We have to make children feel that our purpose is to make them  feel safe: “I want everyone to be safe here” (Concious Discipline – Dr Becky Bailey)

-Playing should be supervised and observed. It’s a great instance to teach and learn.

-As teacher it is important to acknowledge my own emotional trauma by:

  • Naming my feelings.
  • Changing my emotional script.
  •  Understant how did I get attention.
  • Researching the self.
  • If you dont feel able to handle a child it is good to have some time out.

haim ginot


– Remember: The way you were disciplined will affect how you react to children- either you will want to do it differently or it worked for you.

– Give attention to the children.

– The teacher must be there for his/her students.

– Think: How would you like to be treated?

– Tell children what they can do- be explicit- even when you praise them- make consequences relevant.

“What works for me doesn’t always work for you”

– Follow through immediately, firmly, clearly make consequences relevant to what happened.

– Do it over and over again. Children learn through repetition.

Get in touch with your personal bottom line: What are your fears, values, beliefs? Choose your battles: What is important to you? Where does that come from?

– Make curriculum relevant, interesting and challenging




tamar jacobson

Tamar Jacobson’s blog: http://tamarika.typepad.com/the_good_mother/

email: tjacobson@rider.edu



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